A friend of mine always says; “Any guy can get any girl – no matter how beautiful or out of his league she may seem”. This friend of mine has become semi-famous in my home-town as the guy who got the girl of his dreams (they are now happily married and are truly a remarkable couple), and has coached several other guys on how to do the same.
I believe this concept to be true, but I understand that there are certain basic requirements that the man in question should possess – such as being mentally sane, not in any way creepy or stalker-like, at least relatively financially stable or with some kind of ambition to be, and generally a good person (among other obvious things).
Yet beyond this, I have noticed 5 distinct qualities that seem to be irresistibly attractive to women. These traits individually can make a man attractive, but all 5 together make him the kind of man women want to fall in love with and marry.
1) The ability to take charge of a situation.
His ability to step up and take control of a situation – be it the planning of a date, handling of a crisis, hosting a party, managing his own life, or being intentional about getting to know the woman he is interested in – speaks of a sort of confidence in a man that is irresistible.
2) The ability to pursue wholeheartedly.
The kind of pursuit that a woman wants is one where she feels valued, and knows she is the only one being pursued by the man in question. There is something about a man who is persistent (in an honouring an non-creepy way) that is attractive. A woman wants the kind of man who would climb mountains, and cross oceans for her. We want someone who will say, “It’s okay, we will make this work” despite distance or other obstacles. Women want someone who will go the extra mile and who will put in the effort because he knows the woman he loves/wants is worth it.
Most importantly, his ability to pursue her should never end.
3) The ability to do, and not just say.
We are tired of the talkers. We don’t want the empty, sweet words. Women want men who will show them that they love them through actions, not just words.
Practically this means 1) say only what you truly mean, and not what you think she wants to hear, and 2) only make promises that you know you can keep.
Better yet, instead of promising to do something, just do it.
4) The ability to be selfless.
A man who considers a woman in small ways, will consider and respect her in bigger ways. I have met men who say they adore me, but expect me to do all the work and make all the sacrifices in the relationship. As far as I can tell, that’s not real love. Yet it seems that many men do seem to think this way.
Love is not selfish or self-seeking. It fights for, values, protects, and will put first the other person in the relationship.
And it works both ways.
A man who is willing to lay down a part of his life for a woman is worth holding onto, and women notice this.
5) The ability to protect her heart.
This is a big one. A man who can protect a woman’s heart makes her feel safe and valued. He is someone who doesn’t play games, doesn’t leave her hanging or wondering, and doesn’t keep her guessing. A man who can protect a woman’s heart is someone who makes her feel certain, without a doubt, that he loves her and that she has his full attention and his heart.
The way a woman acts has a lot to do with the way she is treated. If you are playing games, don’t call her “psycho” when she acts out.
If you allow her to feel secure in your presence and in your commitment to her, she will likely be calm and pleasant. She feels your commitment and love towards her when you make her a priority.
The kind of man a woman falls in love with – truly falls in love with – is someone she feels emotionally safe with.
This is not information to be abused by aspiring Barney Stinson’s. These are qualities that speak of trustworthiness, strong character, and integrity.
Ultimately, a woman wants someone she can respect and trust.
Of course every man is unique, with his own set of talents, abilities, personality traits and quirks. However, these five qualities do not require special talents or abilities or specific personality traits. They are skills that can be learned and that can help build your character as a man.
And the more you grow your own character, the more confidence you will have in yourself and in your ability to sweep her off her feet.
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