Maybe you’ve found true love, maybe you haven’t.
Either way, you have a story – and, undoubtedly, you likely have at least one girl-meets-boy (insert any variation of this scenario here) story – whether it was a happily-ever-after or not.
It’s all about the story: the meet-cute, the first date, the thoughtful and unique engagement, the lavish and trendsetting wedding….
They’re all stories.
And we all want our own stories to be the good stories.
I don’t have a meet cute story, and initially – I’m not going to lie – it bothered me.
My entire life I feel like I’ve waited for the moment I would meet the man that would finally win me over… the man who I’d fall head-over-heels in love with.
I couldn’t wait for my story.
I had about a million scenarios that I had conjured up in my mind of how the meet-cute would possibly pan out, and I wasted far too many hours thinking/dreaming about it.
I dreamed of everything short of Prince Charming himself riding up to my front door on a magic white horse….
It was just a normal horse. So imagine my disappointment the moment I realized I had already met the guy… and it was on Tinder.
To make matters worse, I recently discovered that while I had spent pain-staking moments thoroughly analyzing profiles before swiping right or left on each one, the man of my dreams simply sat on a sofa watching sport and swiping right… on EVERYONE!
Fortunately, out of the hundreds of matches he made, he chose to send me a message, and we agreed to meet.
I remember sitting there on the first date thinking;
“Too bad this probably wont work out. He’s really nice…”
I did not want my ‘meet-cute’ to be a Tinder match. I had grand plans for my romantic story – and Tinder just didn’t cut it.
But, life isn’t just about the story you tell people. Life is about the people you meet (and who cares HOW you meet them anyway?) and the love you can give and receive.
I think we have placed too much emphasis on the stories – on the ‘how you met’ stories, the facebook relationships laced with pictures, the surprising proposals and the perfectly captured weddings.
But those aren’t the relationships – those are just the stories. Relationships are completely separate to the stories we tell and share– yet I feel that they are so often overshadowed by them.
I don’t have much of a story.
But I have a relationship.
In my own relationship, my boyfriend patiently had to earn my trust to win me over. He has made me laugh, has held me when I’ve cried, has been my rock of support and my encourager, and has challenged some difficult truths that I’ve had to face. He believes in me and makes me want to be a better person.
He is my best friend.
That is my story.
No meet cute,
no fancy first date.
We happened to find each other on an app notoriously known for being a ‘hook-up’ app (even though more than 27 % of users are looking for their significant others as opposed to the 20% who simply want one-night-stands), but in the grand scheme of things that doesn’t really matter at all, does it?
What matters most is that we love.
It doesn’t matter how you meet them, or how the first dates, engagements or weddings go…. So long as you can find someone who you can love, and who can love you back with all the grace and support that you both can offer.
And don’t get me wrong, I love a good story. I absolutely adore hearing the meet-cute stories, reading about the romantic proposals and seeing the beautiful weddings. It makes my heart turn warm and fuzzy every time I happen upon a good love story.
But let’s not confuse the story with the relationship.
This year was Tinder’s 4th year anniversary. I have no interest in hook-ups whatsoever, but I gave Tinder a try because I just wasn’t meeting anyone. I have been on several Tinder dates and ALL (
minus one old sod who already had a girlfriend…. Tut tut tut) of the men I have gone out with have been lovely and the kind of guys looking for a relationship.
People often complain to me that they aren’t meeting/haven’t met anyone. I always say to them;
“Have you tried Tinder/ a dating sight?”
I’m almost always met with;
“Oh no, I’m not that kind of person. I don’t think Tinder/online dating is for me…”
They too dream of the meet-cute story.
But it’s just… a story.
In such a fast-paced and ever-changing world, it is becoming increasingly difficult to meet someone ‘naturally’… which is why dating sites and apps were invented in the first place; for you to meet someone.
It’s taken me 27 years, but I’ve finally realized that I’ve been chasing stories. I wanted it all: The perfect and interesting meet-cute, the romantic first date, the carefully thought-out and unique proposal, and the big lavish wedding.
But now that I have met someone special who I really love, non of that matters anymore.
I no longer want/need a story. I just want the person,
All the advice I can really give to you today is:
Don’t get so caught up with the idea of the story that you miss out on meeting people.
Who knows who you could meet if you actively pursued a way of meeting people?
To the couples:
Don’t get so caught up in your story that you lose focus in your relationship.
To the singles:
Forget about the story.
Forget about the HOW you meet.
Just find a way to meet someone who you like and who likes you.
It’s that simple.